Largest sex survey ever reveals common sexual fantasies

Long Lunch 13/07/2018
Photo: File.

Sexual fantasies are not typically included in sex education, and they’re certainly not considered fair game for small talk.

But perhaps a new sex survey could change that.

Social psychologist Dr Justin Lehmiller conducted the world’s largest sex survey ever for his new book Tell Me What You Want, interviewing over 4,000 people on their hidden desires.

“There just hasn’t been a ton a research on it,” he told RadioLIVE. “And there were just lots of questions that haven’t been answered.

There were seven common themes that characterised sexual fantasies, Dr Lehmiller explained, though most people shared the same three.

The top three fantasies included sex with multiple people simultaneously (typically a threesome), BDSM in many different forms, and trying new things like with a new position or a new setting.

Other common fantasies included voyeurism (the act of spying on others having sex or undressing) and husband or wife “swapping” or “swinging”.

BDSM was one of the top three most common fantasies.

Nevertheless, not all survey results were consistent across the board. Dr Lehmiller shared some of the rarest desires he discovered, with one woman wanting to be an inanimate doll who is forced to watch her husband have sex. Another woman fantasised about being effectively turned into a cow, where everyone in town would use her as a human ‘milk machine’.

Dr Lehmiller told RadioLIVE that people rarely shared their fantasies with others, and even less so acted on them. 

“People felt a lot of shame and guilt and anxiety about their fantasies,” he explained.

But he emphasised that many people clearly wanted to talk about their fantasies, which is partly why he wanted to publish a book on the topic.

“People really need to be better about talking about their desires, telling their partner what they want, because if you don’t talk about it you don’t get what you want.” 

Listen to the full interview with Dr Justin Lehmiller above.

The Long Lunch with Carly Flynn, in for Wendyl Nissen, 12pm - 3pm on RadioLIVE and streaming live to the rova app on Android and iPhone.

RadioLIVE.