10-Oct-2009 00:00
This is me: a stay-at-home Mum, 34, divorced after having 2 kids, now with a new partner who does shift work, living in South Auckland after being born and raised in small-town South Island, clinically depressed, with a borderline personality disorder (BPD), recovering alcoholic and every day dope smoker, struggling to lose weight as I'm obese and have high blood pressure.
The friends I have in Akl that I see regularly I can count on one hand. The close family members = 0. My social life is practically non-existent as I have no baby-sitter or any extra money to pay for one, no family to watch my kids or visit for a cuppa, rarely see other parent's at my children's school as I drop them off at the gate in the morning and they walk home in the afternoon. When I attempted to get to know the parent of my eldest son's best school friend they were very polite...and then the "but" happened. They pointed out how unfortunate it was that their son was the only boy with no friends of his own culture. I decided not to invite him over to play in the holidays after all as the rejection would have hurt me as much as my son!
Some days the lack of friendship bothers me hugely as I have this outgoing, chatty, party-girl side...I used to be an every weekend binge-drinking club-hopper. I quit the smoke 11 months ago and rarely have a drink anymore...I can't imagine even going to a club now as I have nothing to wear, sweat a lot due to my medication and get winded just walking up one flight of stairs! Other days its a blessing as my reclusive side means I would rather stay in bed, don't go outside even to check the mail, don't want to talk to my kids or partner and refuse to answer the phone. My self-esteem has taken such a huge dive that I avoid looking in the mirror, see jobs advertised on a weekly basis that I know I have the qualifications and skills to apply for, and then talk myself out of as I'm convinced an employer would eventually work out I'm a great salesperson at the interview but a disaster in reality.
My days have been boring, so to break the boredom and to connect with the rest of the world without having to really get to know or be face-to-face with anyone I am a networking freak...Bebo, Facebook, MySpace, Windows Live and of course the good-ol' personal emails. Like most people I have a slight awe for celebrities so the day I saw a "friend" on Facebook had Mike King the comedian on their friend's list I decided I'd try my luck. He accepted my friend request which gave me a bit of a thrill, and before I knew it I received an invite to join "The Nutters Club NZ."
I checked out the page imagining it to be another group I'd join just to make me look like I was getting connected, but then ignore. I couldn't have been more wrong! Immediately I was reading info from other people going through similiar things to me; isolation, mistrust of or issues dealing with the mental health services, limited options to move forward in life, financial challenges, parenting struggles, low self-esteem and anxiety about getting too close to other people then being rejected when they didn't understand you. They had the same feelings, the same fears, the same unfulfilled dreams...and they too were struggling to accept themselves due to being outside of "the norm."
It was like walking into a room full of old friends who you had not seen in a very long time, and they were just as you remembered them...witty, emotional, spiritual, comforting, wise, intelligent, but above all else human and willing to listen! These people help remind me of what good friendships are like, that I have something to contribute, much to learn, make me laugh and encourage me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
No longer do I feel bored; no longer do I feel isolated or without hope. I'm still on a journey with obstacles to overcome or learn to accommodate in my life, but now I am supported with an outlet for my feelings and a safe space to share. Everyone is welcomed as though they are whanau who've just been away for a while. You can give what you like and take so much more. If you only want to read what others type there's no pressure otherwise. My suggestion is if you have questions about your own wellbeing, or that of others you know or love, the place to learn and teach is The Nutters Club NZ on Facebook, with a great dose of talkback on Mike's RadioLive show, Sunday nights, 8-10pm. I'm a hard and fast fan and no longer star-struck as I now know Mike King the man, the bro, the human being who's not so unlike me :)
The Blogettes